just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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