Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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