i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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