I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
