He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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