please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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