i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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