Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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