I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
