Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
