Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
