omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
