I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
