these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
