She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
