i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
