i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
