I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
