I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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