i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
organizing the empties. That sober.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
