i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
