Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
