I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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