Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
