dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
