omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
