you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
