Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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