i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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