I think my vagina is haunted
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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