Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
