Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
