K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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