I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
