So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she peed on how many people?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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