You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
