Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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