She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
