I just made out with a guy for $7.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
