Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
