The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
