two words: eviction party
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
