Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
