The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
