You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
