guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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