remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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