I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
