So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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