just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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