why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
