hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
