I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
