NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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